092308

Hello. We had a conference call/slide show meeting at work today. It was about computer viruses and this live meeting program thing for Windows. It was quite boring. I was either doodling on a piece of paper, playing games, watching youtube or on myspace on my phone, or taking pictures of the piece of paper that I folded into a boat.

It was a good hour and a half paid break. Ok bye. =)

092208

Hello.

I saw my grades for my last two assignments. Both As! Yay! Haha. I found out I work best under pressure. My mom calls it cramming. Haha. I'm pretty happy for the most part. We'll see how I do for the next one!

Today the word of the day for me was Micro Biology. Wait, that's two words or is it one? I don't know. Well whatever it is, it's what I've been hearing for the past day and a half. I have three friends, one is studying for an upcoming test, one had a test today, and the other one started the class today. I really hope I don't have to take that class in the future. That's why I'm not doing Nursing! Bwahaha. =p

I want to take a (3rd) try at vlogs again, but I can never get the hang of it. What I'm saying in my head doesn't really come out right on camera. We'll see. Ok bye.

091908

I think at my age I should be getting my priorities straight. Come on, I attempted college not once, not twice, but four times, and then had a on and off 5 year break already. It's about time I have some real goals that I plan to really accomplish. I got a good job, and held it for a little more than two years. I got some things for myself that I know my parents wouldn't have got for me. Even for my brother and some friends. I got my own car that has brought me to some cool places and met some cool people. I really feel I had my share of fun already. I think it's time for me to quit pushing everything else to the side to do later. It's time to deal with "real life work". This time I have to make an effort for MYSELF. Time to focus on MY LIFE.

There are days when I envy those kids that just have to deal with school. Home work, and tests are all they have to stress about. I should say even including stupid-immature-unnecessary drama. Haha. Yeah I say that because I think it really is. Instead of worrying who talks about me behind my back and what not, I'm here stressing where I am going to get the money to pay on time for this and that. So I guess most days I'm glad I went with the work and bills route. At least I know what to expect after school. I can say it also has some what made me more of a responsible person.

I'm really grateful my mom is helping me pay for school right now. I've been saying for awhile now that I want to do the whole school thing again, and make myself stick to it this time. But I just couldn't do it on my own right now. Once my bills get down to a reasonable balance, I'll have my mom stop paying, and take over. Sigh... I love my mom. I think the best gift you can give your parents is finishing school. All I want is for them to be proud of me and my brother one day.

So for the next couple of years it'll be work, school and bills. The order of those will change day by day though. Haha. And the rest would be a hmm... should I say, privilege? I have to deal with these three things before I can do anything else. I'm pretty sure I can do this...

091808

No more dropping out again. No more giving up. I had too many chances already. I wasted so much time and money. This time I'm going to make it work. I will follow through. I will quit being lazy. I'm more motivated than ever.

I just want to thank you if I haven't before. I want to thank you for your words. Telling me it's alright if I don't really know what I want right now. Telling me that I can do this. Even though you know I am so hard headed, you are still persistent in encouraging me. I thank you so much. Even for those times when I feel you aren't there for me, I just reflect and think about all the things you tell me. I know I'm an ass at times, but I never really meant to say those things to you. I was mad. My sorrys may mean nothing, but I am. I'm sorry. I just want to say, I still need and want your encouragement.

091208

I know one should never expect, but am I expecting too much from people? Maybe I am. I go out of my way so much. A little too much sometimes. I know I'm not that of an important person to be there for. I mean I'm always there when one needs an ear, I'm there for advice, opinion, to cry to, to vent to.. I'm there when one needs something... anything. Maybe It's my fault for not saying "No; I can't right now" etc, sometimes. But the thing is I don't want to turn people down. Even though there are times I know I really can't, I'll still make it possible. I'll cut work, leave early, put off things that I know that should be done. In the back of my head I don't expect people to do that. I know they don't ask me to do that but, I just do it because I know it'll mean a lot to them or make them happy. That's all that's important. I rarely ask for much. Maybe I don't anymore because I hate the "rejection". I hate that feeling. Then again I know all people are not the same. What's important to me could be shit to them. That's why I keep a lot of "Jamie's needs/wants" to myself. Yeah yeah... I'm being dramatic. There are more bigger problems out there.. it sucks. I know it'll pass. I'll get over it. Then I'll be back to normal. Maybe I am selfish.. but for now I think I'm... done.